How to Stay Positive

I've always found that when things in my life I can see good in everyone elses' lives. I get a lot of people who call and have great news for instance one friend is getting married next year and they just bought a house, another friend finally afforded the camera they really, really wanted and a few just had babies.

But I do find a lot of people in my life hesitate to tell me their good news because they know my life is not so great right now. I guess they are afraid they will make me feel worse about my own circumstances. The truth is that no matter how lousy my life has been I've never been someone who wished that the people around me were just as unhappy. I want my friends to have their happy endings.

Part of me has always been a caretaker in a way, I've always wanted to ensure that the people around me were happy before I took anything for myself. I'm always looking out for those around me. I've come to realize that I have spent the majority of my life making sure everyone else is ok and never thinking that I should be making myself happy too. Maybe it was a way to keep putting off what I didn't think I could do in the first place. The truth is now I don't have anyone else to wait for. Everyone has their happy ending and I'm realizing that I'm still sitting here waiting.

Part of me is sad because here I sit unchanged while I've watched the world go by. I'm still single and all my friends are married and many have kids while others are going to be soon. I have no reason to be waiting anymore everyone has theirs and I really should find mine.

I've been in big ruts before. A lot of them I thought I'd never get out of. The one thing I did learn was that the deeper depressed I got about it the worse the situation got. I've learned that despite how bad things get you have to keep a clear head and keep looking for the solution. The moment you give in to depression and despair you get further away from the solution.

I don't know what the answer is. I'm not even sure where to look for it but I know that somehow, someway it WILL work out. So I'm trying my best to stay positive and keep my eyes open.

I decided to try making a vision board. At the very least it will help me to stay focus on what I can do and what I can work towards. So I'm giving a lot of thought as to what I want out of my life. We'll see how the vision board construction goes.

I made the mixwit mix above because all the songs I used are ones that I listen to when I need a lift. I remember distinctly when Savage Garden released Affirmation that Darren Hayes said that Crash and Burn was the lullaby he wrote for himself for those moments when he needed to feel he wasn't alone.

I cannot give up.